I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
