it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
