So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He kissed a someone with a penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
