You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
