i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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