my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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