i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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