She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
