this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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