There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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