i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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