Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
how does that bad decision feel?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
