I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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