Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
