Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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