I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
