I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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