Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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