Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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