At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
