He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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