did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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