you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
