Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
