hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
