Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
