Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
