tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
