i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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