we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize