Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
