Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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