He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
