Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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