The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
