I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
