Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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