I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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