there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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