Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
