he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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