that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
