I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
