He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
