It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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