If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
