btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
