and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Are we still banned from the library?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
