My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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