Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize