batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The ass gains better be worth it
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