Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
