I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
