Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
