My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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