Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
