I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
