Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize