the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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