I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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