I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
