when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
