I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
