I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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