idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
