My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My penis needs a shock collar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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