the condom got lost in my hair
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
