i just sent this text using only my big toe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
