I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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