Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
