those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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