he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
