some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize