Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
