My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
