Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
