Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
