Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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