Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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