Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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