i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
