how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
