2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
