Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
