If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
