i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
