I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
