Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize