i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
