careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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