Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
