My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
