all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
