dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
