I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
