did you get engaged???
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
