Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
