all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
