in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
