My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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